Representative of Humanity

http://shoukanshi-yuna.livejournal.com/2005/12/15/


...what the fuck were we on?
I don't even remember that!

Mandy, your journal rules when you're in a nostalgic mood. It's like a chronicle of all the weird shit we did in high school and after, lol.
:]

Yeah, this morning I was feeling terrible, but I think now I have a better chance at getting my thoughts together in a coherent manner!

First off, good news!
I talked with my roommate yesterday about possibly moving out. Things seemed to be good in that regard, all squared away. Better news, I get to keep both kitties-- which makes me feel better. I just don't trust her to be nice to Chunk :[

I was at Walmart the other day and decided that:
1]I'm going to buy myself a new bed for Christmas
and
2] A new slip cover for the couch is a good idea.
I found a really pretty brown suede one, and I think that's going to be my best bet. Should look pretty nice with everything else!

Ended up going home early from work today, I just felt horrible. I think I needed the sleep, too. Doesn't really matter, I got both charge nurse's permission, the supervisor, and worked 6 hours of my shift. I just couldn't make it the last half, but at least I tried.
I think that's got to count for something.

Well, anyway...that's about it.
I guess not as much is happening as I thought, but it feels like it, lol.

Oh yeah, I need new jeans.
Any suggestions as to brands?

At work.
...as always.

Man, I woke up feeling awful. I thought that most of it was not sleeping as much as I should, but I feel like I may be catching something. I'm weak-lethargic, which is different than normal sleepy. No fun.

Everyone is gone from Facebook chat right now, so I have no one to talk to. The day is going to crawl. AND THE DAMN PHONE WON'T STOP RINGING.
[all stupid shit, too.]

Anyway.
I'm not even hungry. It's terrible.

I want to go home sick so bad, but I have to wait until 4pm at the earliest. I know people won't be happy with me, but damn I feel terrible.
Can't even finish my chai.

Man, I'm in a crappy mood it seems...and there was so much good stuff I wanted to update LJ with I felt like. I must be going crazy.

Okay.
Just have to make it 4 hours.
That's it.
Then I should be good.
x_x;

Another update from work. I don't know, it just seems to work out better for me to do it this way then take time out from lounging at home. At least I know when I'm here I have a good ten minutes I just killed up updating LJ with random trash.

So Tuesday is my last day of Police School. I'm, well, not really excited. I'm going to miss going every week. :[

I'm so tired today. I'm pretty sure I slept, but I don't think it was a very good sleep, since I'm in a daze at the moment. Not in a very good mood right now, either. Don't know why, some days I just get like this. I think all the negativity of the work environment just start to rub off.
I kinda hate that.

So I stopped using products on my face, and it actually seems to be working. My skin's a lot clearer than it ever was using them, so that's a good thing.
Oh! and I found my black Ann Taylor sweater that I lost a good year or so ago. Score!
...now if I could just find that green AE hoodie from 5 years ago I'd be in great shape, lol.
[or to a lesser extent-- the black zip-up cashmere sweater I lost in Ohio once. That would be awesome , but will never happen, lol].

...I just realized I lose a lot of stuff :[

So I feel like people need to sign onto Facebook more. I get really bored here and there's no one to talk to at the moment.
I did happen to find a copy of Breaking Dawn under the table, but honestly, I'd rather read the phone book sitting next to it.

I'm still kind of half-ass reading the decade descriptions I found the other day, Wikipedia-ing things that spark my interest, but even that gets boring after a while. I've read everything from the London fire of 1666 to the Birdman of Alcatraz to The Grand Guignol Theatre in Paris to the Lindberg kidnapping. Those are just the ones I spent signifigant time on. I also read up on EVERY little deatil of all those things. Other random topics include:
Temple Bar;
Newgate Prison;
Albert Fish;
slang from 1650-1990;
the origin of lipstick;
the play Irene by Harry Tierney;
the Seven Sisters and their parallel Ivy League schools;
Hanover, New Hampshire;
Church of the SubGenius [briefly;
Aliens/Area 51/NAZI technology;
Stockholm Syndrome;
Operation Paperclip;
"the Knowledge";
The Knights Templar;
"Gibson Girls";
Australian convict Mary Wade;
Dr. Thomas Neill Cream;
Momento Mori;
The case against Lewis Carroll [suspected of being Jack the Ripper];
ETC.
ETC.
ETC. x's forever...

Man, I've been bored.
I need a chai-- STAT.

So I guess now is a good time?
I'm trying to think what is it I'd even write about, but I'm kind of drawing a blank at the moment.

I just read online that Robert Downey Jr. [who is going to be the new Sherlock Holmes] may have signed on to play Lestat in a new The Vampire Lestat movie. Wow. Just wow.

Anyway.
This weekend is too busy. I don't really have time to do anything but sleep and work, which sucks. I mean, I guess I won't have a lot to do after, but even so. It's hard to get through right this second since I'm in the process of doing it.

Uhhh...what else.
I guess there really isn't anything else.

I've decided to read about Old Baily and Temple Bar, as well as other random Victorian London sites...just because I think it's pretty cool stuff. AND! It'll get me in the mood for this Sherlock Holmes movie, not that any motivation was really necessary, even so!

I'll update later if I think of anything worth bringing up.

EDIT: Grand Guignol Theatre is amazing. I wish something like that still existed. Everything down to the venue was totally badass. It kinda makes me want to throw around some ideas with someone!

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out. (:


first name

Jennifer. It was the most common girl's name in 1984, and appeared in the top 10 for every year of the decade. True story. I use "Jen", because it's short and one syllable, and "Jeny" for my family. Only one "N" though, because I'm kind of a weirdo-minimalist like that.


age

Twenty-two. Quickly approaching twenty-three...really dreading that, by the way. If I'm not already old enough, that'll be another year under my belt with absolutely nothing worthwhile to show for it.


location

Millard Fillmore Suburban Nursing Unit 3 West-- work. I hate it.
In the broader term: Buffalo, NY.
As it were, I dislike that, too. I've always felt displaced since I moved when I was sixteen. I'm hoping somewhere else will finally feel like home. Hopefully.


occupation

Medical Secretary.
...but I want to be a Police Officer.


partner?

No one. I'm alone. As if I didn't have enough issues with my shitty life, that's one more to throw onto the heap.
I guess if we're being liberal with the term "partner" I could say "Harley", since I call her that occasionally...but truth be told, I'd rather not.


kids

No. I have no problem with them, and I think I get along with them okay, but they're just not for me.

brothers/sisters
H. Marty Dusel, 19 years old. H is a million times cooler than I will ever be.
I'm lucky that he's such an awesome brother.


pets

HarleyHartwell and Chunk [4 month old kittens]. Technically Chunk belongs to my roommate, but they're so adorable together I consider them both mine, too. :]


3-5 biggest things going on in your life

• Work.
• Bills [rent, car ins, utilities, etc.];Trying to fix my credit.
• Half-assed looking for a romantic interest to absolutely no avail.
• Apartment/location hunting.
• Trying to get back into school.


parents

My Mom and I get along really well if we're not living/working together. Truth be told I like her fine when that's the case...and I'm defiantly warming up to Greg, he's a really cool guy.
My Dad has disappointed me greatly, and I'm still kind of dealing with a lot of the issues concerning him at present.
I honestly doubt we'll ever talk more than a sentence or two to each other again, which sucks. A lot.


closest friends

Mandy, Mel, Catie, Corey, Julie...um. Yeah. There are others, but those are the ones that I light up the phone lines/IM windows of more than anyone.


There it is.
Kind of depressing.
I guess you have to be in the mood for these kinds of things...

I've been sitting here trying to figure out how to articulate this post.
Truth be told, I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say here. I've just had this overwhelming feeling of melancholy on the whole lately, stemming from various sources. Nothing strong enough to make me outright sad, but still enough to hinder my day-to-day life just a little bit.

There have been some massive changes in my life in the past few weeks, and I know that they're not even close to finished from what I can see. As as matter of fact, I know quite a few which are right on my heels. Truthfully, I'm not really mentally prepared for any of them. Despite my prior knowing.

I'm...ill-equip to handle some. Not that I'd say that out loud, of course. I've been trying very hard lately to keep myself together. Again, this isn't just one or two things, but a ton that have been weighing on my mind for quite some time, and are sure to all come to pass at the same time. That's just how life seems to go, or at least mine.

I know this entire post is a little cryptic, but these are just some feelings I had to get out. It helps, a little. Just seeing it all down re-affirms I'm not crazy, and that these things are in fact happening, and I'm more or less powerless to stop them.

I don't know, that would depress most people, but it almost makes me feel better this way.
Ah well. A little update:
I'm currently at work, as always...bored beyond words at the moment. I have a free Starbucks to look forward to this evening, though. So that's something.
Police school tomorrow, the last one, too. :[

...that's about it, at the moment. Blah.
I hate Winter.

I was just browsing a Beatles comm that I joined a while ago and came across this trailer:



I'd already read the book on the subject matter, so I'm already very familiar with this "untold story", but even so. I wanna seeee it!
:D ♥

I got paid today, so I want to go do something fun tonight!
Any takers?

Anyway. Today I have to work. Thus the update--again. This morning was absolutely insane but it seems to be going into the afternoon lull at the moment. Calm before the storm more or less. I know we're getting a ton of admissions so my day will probably be pretty busy. I'm going to take that as a good thing, though. The more stuff I have to do the faster time will go, and the quicker I can get the Hell out of here [and don't have to come back until NEXT Thursday! Hooray! It's like a mini-vacation.]

Quick update on my doings. I've been chai-ing/hanging out with Mandy, Catie, and the occasional other the past few nights. Watching old Nickelodeon and getting Starbucks, playing with cats, fun things of that nature.

Last night sensei and I hung out as well. Had to fix my drivers because I'm an idiot and disabled them on my computer...and had no internet for a night. Other than that we had a very enjoyable time. I decided that I don't know anyone who has their life quite as-together as sensei [with the possible exception of Garrett, lol], so I'm turning over all my big life decisions to him! [Just like that episode of Friends...3 guesses as to how I even know that episode exists :p]

What else...
Dying my hair tomorrow. Not so much for the color, but for the extra body. My hair tends to get straw-y when there's not enough...I don't know what to call it. Pigments in it? Whatever you call it, my hair needs more of it to stay silky!
I decided to go a medium reddish brown, so wish me luck with that endeavor!

Listverse.com is evil.
I've wasted countless hours on this site. It exploits my love of obscure facts, lists, and history. I'm fairly certain it was made for me, actually. Well, either way it keeps me from reading absolute trash at work, so I guess that's good. At least I'm getting smarter in my downtime.

On a closing note: police school is almost over. I'm very upset over this, I look forward to it every week without fail. I really should just go to school for that kind of thing. Makes absolutely no sense for me to stay here.
As a matter of fact, I just got off the phone with my mom not 2 hours ago after having a: "Mom, I hate this job. I'm not good at it and I hate being here."
...I think she told me to go be a stripper. Or Henry o_o; .
Either way. I think I should enroll in ECC and go from there.

Questions? Comments? Suggestions?
Submit them below in writing, please. ♥

Everytime I update LJ at work I always have a weird sensation. Like I'm writing my memoirs or something, lol...only my memoirs are very bland, not very well phrased, and utterly pointless...

So I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's last night. Something about this Fall/almost Winter-y weather always makes me want to watch that movie. I can't really explain why, but it is totally worth it.
So cute ♥...I always feel bad for Cat at the end, though.

So work seems as thought it's going to be painfully slow this morning. I'm really wishing some friends would sign onto Facebook Chat so I'll have someone to talk to.
Normally I get one or two in the morning until about 1-2pm, then if I'm lucky maybe 1 around the last hour.

I forgot to grab my book this morning, but now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think I was going to grab it anyway. Too much bulk.

Boooored.
I really only update this when I'm bored. Or angry. Although, mostly bored. AND! It's chilly here again. I can't quite place where the draft around my computer is coming from. I covered up the vent but I can still feel it somewhere, but I don't see any type of crack...maybe the ceiling is just that thin?

So day 1 of 2. The first hour of day 1 of 2. It just seems to depressing. I'm really hoping the time will fly. I didn't get much sleep again, so that's problematic. My mom said I should see a MD about it. I'm not so sure. I hear that sleep meds make you weird.

At least the lighting here is pleasing today.
I like that.
I don't mind Saturdays at work, actually. They're easier than weekdays.

I can't think of anything else to say.

EDIT: Hn, I tried the tofu at Moe's for lunch today. Not bad, but not my favorite either.
I guess that's a good thing, since it's expensive, I probably won't go as much XD

EDIT-EDIT: ...DAMN I'm good! XDDD

Watching the last episode of Bones made me want to be a vegetarian.
It won't be that different from what I do already.
I'll just replace chicken with tofu at Moe's and get vegetable curry at Star of India from now on.
:p

EDIT: I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving already...where did the last year [at that 5 years] go? :[

Guys, I'm sorry. I know there's a bunch of "father issues" with everyone and I hate to be repetitive...but I'm sick of my dad.

He's a fucking loser. I'm sorry, I'll just say it.
In 2 days he's marrying a freakish, emotional-hot-mess with so many issues I have no idea where to even begin nor end with her.

SO! I'm not.

After Thursday it's curtains for that relationship.
As I recall I was happier back when I told everyone I didn't have a father, that he was dead.
Fritz: consider yourself dead to me!

I just don't need 50 year olds acting like middle schoolers. It's very unbecoming.
Not to mention the added stress just isn't worth my time.
♥

Despite this fact, I've been having an amazing day so far!
I have to work tomorrow, but that's just one day until I have to be back on Saturday, so I'll survive!

Good news, my mom's going to let me use her credit card to charge some new work clothes, then I'll just pay her back my next paycheck-- SCORE! ♥
So clothes shopping for Jen today!

I need to go thrift store shopping Tuesday. I'll probably be hitting up a couple-- anyone want to come with? Lol. Should be a pretty good times!

In other stuff...yeah. I finally thought of one perk about my dad's sham of a marriage! He's going to have to move!
PLEEEEASE let my Aunt rent out his one bedroom to me, please! That would solve so many of my problem...

That's all for now.
Going to shower then back to my mom's!

I'm slightly disappointed today in my lack of desk-chai.
Desk-chai is when I can keep the Starbucks cup right on my desk for easy access. Some days, I'm not allowed to do this. Today is one of them.

...if you haven't guessed, I'm at work again. VERY cold, too. They really need to turn the heat up in here. Beside the point.

Bad day or two.
Little things. Tons and tons of little things.
I didn't sleep at all yesterday, which totally wiped me out last night...which made me groggy today. Bad chain to start. I also had to work two days in a row that weren't the weekend. I HATE doing that. I wish the other secretaries wouldn't schedule their time leaving me with all these Thurs/Fri shifts. They're basically as bad as weekends.

I lost a lens from my glasses last night. Somewhere in my bed or floor surrounding it. I wish it weren't clear, it would make it a lot easier to find it.

Roommate's still driving me nuts with her general lack of respect for everyone who's not her.
Still actively looking on Craigslist for alternatives.

I'm totally getting curry for dinner tonight. It just sounds SO good.

No plans for Halloween as of yet. I know H wanted to go to Rocky Horror, but I'll have to figure out where they're showing it this year. I heard that the Riviera decided not to. I'll have to look into it when I get out of here.

Good news, though: I got paid. Score. It was about bloody time, too. I had a ton of bills to pay and now I think I'm relatively caught up. At least for the time being.
Only 11 hours left...
I'm going to need a nap today. Even if it's a short one, I'm just SO sleepy. I really hope today goes quick. I hate it here so much.
I hate this job so much.

...but I need the money :[

EDIT: I've been having issues eating lately. I'll take maybe one or two bites of anything, but nothing is appetizing.
I've thrown away the equivalent of about 3 chais over the past 4 days. I just can't finish them. Not even close, I don't even get halfway through them no matter what the size :[
Man...even my tea tastes like plastic.

Guys, seriously...I'm so damn tired today.
In every way a person can be tired, I think.

First off: I'm so fucking sick of my roommmate and her boyfriend. We're just on two completely different pages, and honestly, if this is the equivalent of some fucked up relationship, I want the equivalent of a divorce.

Tuesday in Police School I'm going to talk to my landlord about my options.
As for myself, I'm going to start looking on craigslist.
I think I'm going to end up giving her an ultimatum.
Shape up or I'm out of here.

If it were one or two things, I'd learn to deal with it, but at this point it's a general lack of respect for me, my things, and my wishes.
Not to mention she brought fucking fleas into the house [from her house. I'm 99% sure of it. They've bombed it 3 times in the past 2 months, and I checked Tesla myself tonight just to be perfectly sure it's not coming from me at all.]

Ugh. Anyway.

Then...my family.
My mom, for once, has really been decent despite the initial siding with my dad. I think she realized how stupid that was really quickly.
We still have our moments, but on the whole it's better since we're not living together. Which I figured would happen whenever I moved out. So, good times there I suppose.

My dad however.
What a fucking hot mess.
Seriously.
I'm still totally floored that two weeks later he still thinks this sham of a wedding is a good idea.
What a fucking dumbass.
How many times does he have to get divorced before he realizes that his taste is fucking terrible?

Eh. I'm just frustrated.
Basically I have nowhere that feels like home right now, and it sucks. So I get irritable really quickly these days.

Tonight...I don't know. Maybe I'll clean.
At least I can usually relax for the ten fucking minutes it stays clean around here.

Sorry for the ranting post.
♥

Hopefully today will be an improvement on yesterday, and from what I've seen as of yet it will in-fact prove to be the case.
Then again, that's not too hard to do.
Yesterday was pretty damn awful.

As stated in my prior entry I overslept yesterday, then got a bombshell dropped on me within the first hour I was there.
After work I had to drive 2 hours round-trip to Warsaw to pick up H [although I can't much blame him on that one, he was more than correct in calling Mom's friend Kim "terrible", but that's a story for another day]. Even so, didn't make the drive any easier straight-off of work.
Then before bed I decided to comb the cats just to find 4-5 LIVE fleas on them apiece. I have NO idea how this can still be the case! I vacuumed 3 times, put powder on the rugs for 24+ hours, foam-sprayed the ENTIRE apartment, bathed them once in dishsoap, once in flea shampoo, sprayed the furniture with special treatment at least 4 times, changed ALL the sheets, and gave each cat a 1-month serum medication... WHY 3 days later am I still finding them!? I have no idea what to do with that...

Anyway.

Today I have, well...not too much to do. At work until 9pm again, and I got somewhere in the ballpark of 2.5 hours of sleep last night. I'm thinking I may try and cut out a little early, perhaps around 5pm or so. I don't think I can take another full day of this crap, especially on such little sleep.
I guess it all depends on the work load at that point. I'm sure the charge nurse wouldn't mind at all, and I DO have the PTO for something like that. Apparently if you work 6 hours you can go home...
I should do so.
Actually, I'm about 70% positive that's what I'm going to do.
I need to give my nerves a rest, and if I can get paid in the process that would be nice.

I think I'm going to go read some.

Well, it's only 10:30am and already my day has been stressful as all Hell.
I supposed it's just going to be one of those days.

Let me take you through it:
First off, I woke up just feeling strange. You know the feeling I mean? where something [whether you can put your finger on it or no] simply isn't correct? Sure enough I look at my clock and my alarm failed to sound. It was 8am and I was officially late to work no matter how quickly I prepared.

I decided on the way to stop at Starbucks anyway, since it didn't make a difference at that point. I was already late and dead-tired as it were. Chai was necessary.
By the time I had my coffee and made it to work I was just shy of an hour late. In the long run I suppose it could have been much worse.

Anyway, flash-forward to about 10:30am. I noticed I had a missed call from this morning [that I assumed was work calling to ask where I was]. Upon checking my phone I realized it was my dad. Considering he called first thing in the morning, I figured I should give him a ring since I had a free moment.

This, everyone, was the kicker:

Fritz: "Jen, I have kinda have something important to tell you! I'm really hoping you'll take it well!"

Jen: "I'm going to need you to hold on a sec, I have to answer the other line."

...yeah. Nothing good EVER came from Fritz's mouth following those words. To tell the truth, I didn't even have another call to take, I just wasn't quite ready to take THAT one.

I couldn't avoid it forever so I answered the line and sure enough, my worst suspicions had been confirmed:
"Keep November 7th open, Nancy and I are getting married."

...

...!

...this about the time I hung up and called Shannon.
At present, I'm ill-equip to handle that.

So here I am now.
They're not even together...
I have no idea what to say.
My head is a mess.
WHY do I have to be the parent?
I'm only 22, I can't handle this.
Especially working...
Ugh.

...only 10 hours to go. ._.

...there's one of these right down the street from my house.
They're only asking $3800, and all the problems are purely aesthetic.

;; I wish I wasn't fucking pooooor...

Whew, caffeine headache.
It's not my fault, I swear. This is Day 2 of Starbucks being out of chai,and it's really not a good way to start off my day...
Don't get me wrong, caramel macchiatios are a good substitute, but they're just not my chai.


Hopefully tomorrow they'll have gotten their act together considering I'm going out on the boat with Fritz.

I'm actually really looking forward to that. I haven't been sailing since mid-Summer, it seems like every time I've planned to go it ended up raining, or there was no wind, or I simply had to work and couldn't go at all. :[
Either way, a nice, warm beverage is in order considering the chill out on the water will be more than noticeable seeing as how it's almost mid-October.

Speaking of which-- when did that even happen? October? I mean, seriously, this year is going WAY too fast. I take that back. The past five years have gone by way too fast.
Where the Hell did my life go? I honestly have no idea how I ended up where I am now. Not a clue.

Anyway.

I kinda have a crush on a resident at work.
In true Jen-fashion he made some comment along the lines of: "I-like-the-way-you-sit", and of course it made me totally swoon.
[Although for accuracy's sake it was: "I never thought of that." "What?" "The whole drawer thing." (referring to my cell phone I was texting from in the drawer)]
Mostly for Catie: Dr. Jonathan Wertz with (I believe) Delaware Surg. He's tall, glasses, pretty damn adorable. He's probably married or something with my luck, lol.
Not that I'd end up doing anything anyway. What can you even do in a situation like this? It's work afterall. Anyone's two-cents would be appreciated here.

I really want to work at Starbucks. Seriously.
I already know everyone who works at the Blvd store, maybe I can ask them what I'd need to do to make that happen [especially the manager who knows me by name as well]. Even one shift a week would be cool, I just need some extra cash and the discount, hahah!

I've decided I'm going to learn French and German. (also) Seriously. I need something to do to occupy my spare time and that would be a lot of fun. [Not to mention Spanish would be a lot easier if I ever felt the need to learn that again]. Not to mention genetically speaking I'm almost exclusively a mix of the two...and it would just be a lot of fun.
After that perhaps I'll continue with the Japanese, but I'm not really in a hurry to do that.

Well, long update.
I have The Clash stuck in my head.
Only 10 hours to go.

I'm doing that thing again.
The thing I always do.

Whenever my hair gets a little bit of length to it, even though I like it, I always get the urge to cut it all off.
Like, really really short.

I'm thinking I should wait until the end of Winter at least-- considering having more hair will keep me warmer.

Damn me and my indecisiveness!